The constant ramblings of my mind...

Recycling thoughts

2010-01-27T23:02:00.000-08:00

It's far easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.

- Adlai Stevenson

Principle- Guiding sense of the requirements and obligations of right conduct.

I've met many people with great intentions and passionate fervence for the things that are right, but few that live daily for the principled lifestyle. This is a hard road to walk on. Principle doesn't bring glamour, fame or praise. It can seem mundane to our lives filled with excitement, entertainment and distractions. I constantly think about new experiences, new people, new environments, but what about the daily commitments of life? I've been indoctrinated for so long with the concept that I need to "step out in faith" meaning I need to for example:

-Move to a far off land
-Learn a new language to preach the gospel
-Step out of the comfortablility of daily existence

To me these things all sound like a fun adventure in which I would be able to meet new people, enjoy different cultures and constantly be entertained by movement. The hard decision for me would be to find a place or people and settle in there. Moving and learning are a faith building experience but they have nothing to do with the forming of commitment. One with out the other is an excercise in futility. Like I said in the beginning I've met many people who are ready to take on a NEW challenge, but what about the mundane challenges of life? What about serving until it hurts in a place where you get no recognition or praise? I think about the missionaries who have gone before us in such places as India, Saudi Arabia, Africa. Some of these men and women have given their lives to live a daily commited, principled lifestyle. Some have given all of their lives to serve a people without seeing one person come to Christ. Their lives were a seed offering in which somebody else would reap. Are we willing to be those people of principle?

Lord, please help me to become a person of priciple who doesn't cry out for fame or recognition. Set my heart ablaze for obedience, obedience in the mundane and also in the exciting.
"O God, you have taught me from my youth;
And to this day I declare your wondrous works.
Now also when I am old and grayheaded,
O God, do not forsake me,
Until I declare Your strength to this generation,
Your power to everyone who is to come."
-Psalm 71:17-18

2009-10-05T20:50:00.000-07:00

I feel the Lord awakening this heart of stone. I sense the little flame that has been a light ember being stoked a fresh again. Isn't it amazing how the Lord can just speak to us in an instant? I'm starting to see some puzzle pieces fall into place in this season of my life. As I sat down for coffee with a new friend last night and we spoke about womens struggles and ministry joy just leapt in my bones. God has made me for this! How is it that we can get in the way of what God so longs to do through us? It blows my mind how my biggest obsticle can be the idolization of self and not so much in how great I think I am but more so getting caught up with how inadequate I feel so often. Either way we think of ourselves we are thinking of ourselves! Humility is not flogging ourselves again and again but it is the absence of self. Our thoughts are not of whether we look important or stupid, but what does God desire to do? Rely on God grace today. You are greatly lovely by your Father.

2009-05-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

If you have never seen The New World then you are missing out my friends!! If you love nature, beauty and a picture of what true love and redemption look like then you MUST watch this movie multiple times :) It's on my top 5

2009-04-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

Can I vent for a second?

Well I'm going to anyway.

Ok, looking at the circumstances of America right now you would think that it would be a sobering moment for many people. This should be a time that would cause us to reflect, scale back, change our constant craving for instant gratification, right?
The postman came in today and asked me how I was doing. I said I'm actually exhausted because I'm working teo jobs trying to pay off some debt. He said well one day when you win the lottery everything will be cool. I'm thinking in my head why are we always waiting for the big break or the responsiblity to fall upon somebody else? If we want to save money well then work another job, stop spending so much, don't buy a new flashy car!!!!! The irresposibilty of the generation before us is so evident in what we see today. That is myu vent for the day, thanks for listening

2009-03-02T09:51:00.000-08:00

Since I've been back from Papua New Guinea not one day goes by that I don't think about my experience with the tribal villagers in one way or another. I'm constantly humbled knowing how grand our God is and how small I am. It was such an incredible experience for me to see his love poured out to me in the depths of the jungle. On our side trip we had to take an 18 seater plane for 1 1/2 hours, a boat for 1 hour and a 4 hour hike into the jungle through streams etc. None of us knew what we were about to embark upon when we came into this village called Gegering. Looking at these people through Western eyes you would perceive these people to be poor beyond belief, dirty and tattered but there was something so content about them. I came into this village not really knowing what to expect and if I try to describe in human words how I was impressed upon it would pale in comparison to the real life experience. God is so marvelous at teaching us in His own way.

These people were glowing with the knowledge that they would spend eternity with their maker. They looked for every opportunity to listen to our stories, share their culture, feed us and make us feel welcome. We spent 5 incredible days with these people stuttering and trying to express to eachother the thoughts running through our minds. When words failed us we just smiled and giggled. On the last day ALL of the people in the village young and old lined up to shake our hands individually. We shook their hands for about 45 minutes in gratitude thinking that we would never see these people again until are days are done on this Earth. As I came upon one of the ladies that I'd been building a friendship with she shook my hand and slipped me a kina which is a small metal coin in the equivalant of a dollar in U.S. currancy. I was shocked and didn't really know what to do but I hugged her and gave her my bracelet to remember me by. We both stood there staring at eachother as she spoke to me in Pidgin saying that she was praying for my safety back home. I continued down the path of villagers and came upon another woman who gave me 2 kina. By this time I had reached the end of the line of villagers and started heading to the path into the jungle. As I arrived at the path I began to cry thinking of the EXCITED generosity of these people. Immediately it made me ponder if I looked for every opportunity to be a blessing. These people reminded me of the widow who put in her 2 mites to which Jesus replied this is the offering that pleases me. Out of their poverty they gave. Just to put this into context for you a kino is equal to about an hours worth of hard manual labor in their culture. Not only did these women give to me but to almost every single one of my classmates (14 in total). Calculating all of that up would be about two days of their wages.

Arriving back into the U.S I was pushed back into the rush of society. Everything in me longed to go back to the simplistic way of life that I had experienced for this month. Everybody around me said,"That trip just flew by " and I thought in my head not really. A day in PNG really feels like a day, meaning that you live in every moment. There's nothing really to occupy your time besides work and relationships. If you came to meet with a villager and you wanted to talk they would cease from their labor and talk with you for hours until you were done. Coming back into the states I felt as if everything around me was the same yet I had changed so drastically internally. I am still learning day by day how to apply the things that I've partaken of in the depths of the jungle. May I look ofr opportunity to be an excited giver. Whether that is scrapping my agenda, listening to somebody, sowing financially or just letting my life be a vessel for Him to pour out of.

2008-11-21T14:35:00.000-08:00

Apparently Karolina K. Was voted by E! The sexiest women in the world.
As if we didn't need anymore blonde/blue eyed,fair skinned, waif ideas of "beauty" & "sexiness". I'm a blonde/ blue eyed girl and I'm sick and tired of seeing the lack of diversity in the media!!! Come on folks. There are so MANY different forms of beauty in this world.

Learning

2008-10-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

I sat up talking to Allie last night and talking through many thoughts about Christian living, morals, life, relationships, this new year etc. A new year has begun for me, I am now 27. Tears came to my eyes as I talked with Allie about the reflection of Christ that I've seen in my local church in this last year. I never thought the simple actions of somebody stroking my back in prayer or the leaders of a church humbling themselves and literally washing another mans feet would be so deeply embedded in my mind. If there is one thing that I would like to grow in this year it would be to make myself available to serve the needs of others and for my heart to be awake/burning for what is on Gods heart. Lord, may I walk in humility and confidence. I've never been so awakened to the fact that humility breeds humility. What really is our agenda for "winning" souls to Christ? Even that terminology churns my stomach. Do I love the word of God so much that I can't help but express it? Am I so grateful for what Christ has done for me on the cross that I can't but help share the gratitude and grace that was shed upon me? Do I care for peoples hearts as much as I care for my own? Do I talk to people out of impulse or genuine delight in what God has made? I can't wait for the days to come!! Expectation wells up in my heart for what has already been prepared.

Speechless

2008-09-11T12:12:00.000-07:00

I was so challenged by a documentary on a missionary couple that I watched two night ago. This couple decided early on in their marriage that God was calling them to be missionaries in the Phillipines. They lived there for fourteen years and raised three beautiful children. They decided one year to go to a resort in the Phillipines for their anniversary. While they were away they were kidnapped by the radical terrorist group called Abu Sarem (associated with Bin Laden). This group kidnapped 24people in hopes that they could get ransom money to start their own Islamic state. Marcia the wife shared their story on camera from beginning to end. They were stuck in the highlands of the Phillipines for 11 months, starved and imprisoned. They saw people being beheaded, starvation, mass hatred and many other atrosities. The two most profound things that stood out to me were:
1. The husband (Martin) spoke with his wife while handcuffed to a tree. He said,"In this small village I've seen the most selfishness,greed and rage. All of those things I'm talking about are the things I see that dwell in me. I just began to cry as I thought about his perspective. He could of very easily chosen to grow hateful and bitter in his heart towards these people and rightfully so. It just didn't sit right with him because the teachings of Christ dwelt so richly in his heart. What profound love to see past the filth and darkness.

2. On the last day right before they were rescued Martin was shot in the chest and Marcia was shot in the leg in the midst of open fire between the Phillipino government and the terrorists. Only one of them left that jungle alive and it was Gracia. As she reflects on the whole experience she says," I went into the jungle very black and white. I was always so critical of everything and everyone." She began to tear up and said," Wouldn't it be such a tragedy if you spent 11 months of your life on this mountain side and didn't learn anything? I sure hope that I've learned something. Dear God I hope I'm a different person."
After the movie was over I just sat there in silence. I was so astounded by her faith and by her response to such a horrific experience. This did not draw her away from her Father, but actually made him more real and vibrant in her life. There are two roads you can take after something like that. You can walk out a life of bitterness, regret and sadness or a life of wisdom, honesty and deep rooted love. She chose the latter and the love that radiates out of her leaves me speechless.

2008-09-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

I love adventure. Seeking out the unknown and learning new things about the world around me is thrilling! People, food, languages, sights, colors, they all facinate me;I think it's just in my blood. I remember the first time that I flew in a plane by myself I was 10 or 11 years old going to see my grandparents in Arizona. Although some at that age may have felt apprehensive I felt free and ready for what awaited me. I remember getting to the airport and finding out that my grandparents were not there waiting for me at my gate, so I walked up to the concierge and asked her to send an overhead page to see if they were in the airport somewhere. I still can't believe I did that at 10 or 11!! Then in middle school it was off to London with some classmates for spring break. At the end of the trip we were handed awards and I was awarded for looking the most adaptable to my surroundings. I feel like I've only scratched the surface in regards to all of the places I want to go and people I want to meet. I read a quote today that said," Don't accumulate possessions; accumulate experiences!" After all we will not be able to take possessions with us, but experiences and memories will always stay with us. So next on the list (God willing):
1. Boston
2. PNG
3. Iceland
4. Spain

Keep them coming....

2008-09-02T09:47:00.001-07:00

This made me sick to my stomach and I basically lost it at my desk at work.
This really grieves my spirit so much that I want to cry.
Read this article and tell me your thoughts
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/01/business/worldbusiness/01vogue.html?no_interstitial

To the Ladies

2008-08-29T07:06:00.000-07:00

A charge to myself as well as all of the women out there:

As I was in a moment of worship this week it struck me how much I don't know the Fathers love. How much I claim to know who He is and yet cleave on to what my internal dialogue or the world around me would tell me about myself. I was emboldened in that moment and said God I no longer want to carry these lies. I no longer want to walk out fear, inadequecies and anxiety about the future. I'm leaving this mentality right here in this auditorium and when I walk out those doors I'm sure that there will be moments of resurgence, but I believe you've given me the strength to walk above this.

Where I'm going with this is that I've been observing lately the body language and conduct in which women deal with eachother. Whether young, old, middle aged we all (emphasized because there are exceptions to the rule)pretty much deal with eachother similarly. If you observe a group of men who just met eachother there is such an ease to jumping into the conversation, drinking a beer together, having some laughs etc. With women it's almost an initiation process into a tribe. Most of the time they're stand offish, squirmy about opening up and full of insecurity.
We as females if we let our insecurities/fears get in the way we will forfeit ourselves from from receiving from the older generation and be frozen in our tracks from giving to the younger generation. I so get caught up in my inadequicies that I can see nothing else. We MUST see past our exterior to those placed before us.

We can stand around all day long and complain about the elders before us who never imparted to us (which is a sad ordeal) or we can take a stand and say this must be stopped. We are called to the same charge that the older generation had placed before them. Will we stand and pour out or will we be self centered? We may have not been nurtured the way that we would of liked, but God is still calling us to be mothers, daughters and sisters. If this model isn't displayed sometime it will always be a eutopian idea in our mind, never manifested around us to change the perspectives of the people we are drawn to impart to. Lord, help us. Make us into more of the women that you want us to be. Open up our eyes not only to grasp the idea of how much you love us, but how much you want to love on others through us.

2008-08-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

I finally decided to take the plung of faith and go to the missions school In Papua New Guinea. I teeter totter from being ellated to being terrified. I can rationally think through what I belive God is going to show me, but really I have no clue. I'm sure there are many things that await me on this journey. The one thing that I do know is that God is nudging me to get out of the nest. I've been fed and tended to and now it is my turn to fly. My dependancy and trust in him must plum to new depths. When you think of this please pray for me on the journey.

2008-08-04T06:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you've read, but Brad and Angelina were given 14 Million dollars for pictures of their babies. Can you imagine? How would you feel if people gave you 14 million dollars to take a glimpse at your children? Does this seem wacked out to anybody??!!

2008-07-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

I was flipping through some images of Jeremy Cowerts the other day and as I came across this one I just had to pause and reflect. It spoke to me so deeply that I was just stuck gazing. It made me think of the journey that we need to take to get to a place of hope. For me the tattered fence represented some shattered areas in my life that hinder me to run towards hope, but that fence is not completely closed. You can tell that the fence is half-way open and it's a matter of swinging through that gate to stand next to the vibrant wall of hope; it's hard to stand in that place. Hope in definition means to wait with confident expectation. It's easy to dream, but to hope is taking it to the next level of believing that it will actually come to fulfillment. I know that God has incredible things in store for US. I hope that this blesses you today.

Vespa, sweet Vespa

2008-07-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

Can't you see me riding one of these guys??
I'm daydreaming of driving this little guy through the hills of Iceland...or Italy...or Sweden... basically anywhere overseas right now.

To be Grateful or Not to be, that is the question

2008-06-26T08:17:00.000-07:00

Gratefulness.

Gratefulness is sometimes fought for
and sometimes just invades our thinking like a vapor.
Sometimes things sit in front of us for so long that they just become
a silouette of a thing void of details and nuances; it's like
when your eyes begin to blur after you've stared at a television set
for to long. Gratefulness causes us to snap out of that daze and hone in on
the vibrancy of colors, sounds, movements and happenings.
Today I'm grateful because I was reminded of how much I have been given.

To: Mom

2008-06-03T14:42:00.001-07:00

I was talking with a friend the other day and sharing how my sense of humor was shaped from my youth. My brothers and myself picked up this sense of humor from moms. When my parents split we all lived in a 2 bedroom townhome. This was the place that we called home. It may have seemed cramped to some families, but it was our refuge and place of laughter. We (Mom, my two bros and myself)used to sleep in the same room on rainy nights and laugh hysterically. Each one of us would go around and tell stories that we pulled out of thin air. We would laugh and laugh, I smile just thinking about it. This wonderful woman who raised us made mistakes, but she definitely made some lasting impacts in our lives as well. My mother taught us how to laugh at life, how to not take ourselves to seriously and showed us through her example that when the world crumbles around you that you can either continually wallow in sorrow or you can live life.

This intelligent, English major didn't just teach us to laugh at our humanity but she taught us how to be quick witted. You had to learn how to sling cunning remarks back or else you wouldn't last at the dinner table. The reason we stuck olives on the ends of our fingers at Thanksgiving dinner was because mom was leading the pack!
This may sound childish and crude, but she knew where to drew the line and in what setting she needed to be prim and proper. I just want to honor her today for raising three children all on her own, working her butt off and still keeping her wits. Mom, we didn't turn out to deranged right?

2008-06-01T20:21:00.000-07:00

What an incredible Father we have that does not assert Himself, but allows faith to arise in our hearts. A girl at my church last week said something that stuck with me. She said, "You can not awaken people to love, but you must love them to their awakening." I thought that was such a profound statement, because so often we want to "win" people into the kingdom. What are we winning? What's the competition? Is this about ourselves or about Christ? We must radically love Christ and through that overflow passionately love people. Loving, sacrificing, boldly sharing even when it doesn't look like circumstances are changing. Look @ the stories of Mary & Elisabeth, Mary & Joseph and Jesus. They radically loved the God of all creation and shared that with the world around them. There were times were it seemed that nobody was there to fight on their behalf.

Mary & Elisabeth- When these two women were the only ones who knew what was to be birthed in and through them they hoped in God and His promises. The love that was displayed through their sacrifice ministered to all around them from spoken promise, to impregnation and finally to birth.

Mary & Joseph- These two could have very easily ditched the plan of the Lord and gone to hide in a cave somewhere, but they were not ashamed because the voice of the Lord had spoken to both of them. When people were not there to support them or questioned this young womens character the Lord was there to fight on their behalf. The passionate faith that they walked in caused all to sit back in awe and ultimately it blessed all of creation because they parented the Messiah.

Jesus- Man, I could stay on this forever!!
Philippians 3:5-8 "Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

Made himself of no reputation! Don't we strugle with this?!! We want to be noticed, we want to be justified, we want to prove ourselves. Jesus did not feel compelled to "prove" anything. Out of all people who would have the capacity to assert power, authority, fame he made himself nothing and allowed the revelation to rise in peoples hearts. He did not force revelation to come, but he lived in such a way that caused people to question and look beyond themselves. We must look to our creator to find our justification and identity. We must look to our father to realise where we truly do stand and let Christ fall out of us.

2008-05-21T13:15:00.000-07:00

I'm learning more so of how to put myself out there and share the creative ideas that the Lord has placed in my heart. I would love to share my artwork with you and hear your thoughts. My new blogspot is www.lanyardthinks.blogspot.com

2008-05-08T12:29:00.001-07:00

I was talking to my lovely roomate Allie yesterday morning. I ran downstairs about to run off to work and I saw her there faithfully reading. I stopped off in the kitchen to chat with her for a moment. We started to talk about evangelism and this faith journey we walk in life. Hope began to spill into my heart as we were sharing about the story of the disciples after Jesus had died and been buried. These two men as they were walking along the pathway were struck with grief and dismay that their savior had just been crucified. Then, Jesus appeared and showed them from beginning to end why this needed to happen. As the scriptures took root in their hearts and they saw the evidence before their very eyes hope/joy burned in their hearts!!! They couldn't help but leap for joy and run to share the revelation that had awoken them.

This made me think of the situation my heart has been in over the last month. I have been walking along downcast on the pathway and Jesus chooses to use moments like these to open my eyes and awaken my heart. There's no way to conjure up hope ourselves, it is a supernatural accurance. That accurance can only happen as we are intently gazing on the face of Christ and the power of His words. It would be easy to kick the pebbles along the pathway and mope, but that is not the plan that God has for us. I don't know any other way to describe it except that God has lifted my spirit and enlightened the eyes of my heart. Hope is coming for me.

2008-05-07T07:54:00.000-07:00

Many of you that I've talked to know that I've been very involved with researching this polygamist sect and more about the Mormon religion. For anybody who's interested in learning Under the Banner of Heaven is a great book!!!
Not only is it upsetting and sadening that these people live in darkness, but I've also learning that fundamentalist groups like these are taking our tax money through the welfare system. Since polygamy is not legal these men will marry one wife lawfully and then they will have their "prophet" marry them to the other women. So, these "single" mothers with a bajillion kids can file for welfare! They believe that they are taking the riches of the evil and using it for the richeous. I plead that the Lord opens their eyes.

The Darkness Before the Dawn

2008-04-25T15:32:00.001-07:00

So, as many of you know I did not get the position that I was so ardently believing for. It has been a challenging test for me to really be like Abraham in this season of life. Abraham looking in the natural saw his body as good as dead; but in the spiritual realm he knew what God had promised him and he could not give up on hope. The Bible says, "Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick." I think I'm starting to understand what that means from the last couple years of my life. It seems like the never ending disappointments could surely become my reality if I let them. Is reality what we see? I would not take back these two-three years because they have really caused my roots to grow deeply in Christ,though I wish I had less of a cynical perspective on things. My hope is that the zealousness/fire of my faith when I first came to know Christ would be sistered with the maturity/pragmantic features of what God has revealed in these current times.

I hope against all odds.
I hope for God to be glorified in me.
I hope for the dreams in my heart to be birthed into the natural.
I hope in Gods character that He is who He says He is.
Not my will but yours Father.

The News

2008-04-18T15:33:00.001-07:00

So, I log on to CNN.com to read about the updated news on the polygamist sect of FLDS in Texas. If you haven't already read up on it you should! We need to be praying for these people to be set free from deception. Back to the news, I go from reading this article on the FLDS compound where women are forced into marriage with older men and made to bare a million children to an article on $10,000 birthday parties for 3 year old children. AWWWWHHHH!! I'm so overwhelmed sometimes. Sometimes I forget who is in control of the universe and my messiah complex kicks in as I want to "fix" everything and bring it into it's proper order. I wonder what God thinks as he looks down upon America? I think one way in my finite mind, but He sees the beginning from the end. Part of me wants to leave this world, but mainly for selfish reasons; meaning that I would love to be with the Lord and be away from the "inconveniences" of this world. I to am an inconvenience to people at times, but God bestows His grace and love. Lord, teach me to be more like you in this world that is hurting and dying.

2008-04-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

"'Niceness'-wholesome, integrated personality-is an excellent thing. We must try by every medical, educational, economic, and political means in our power to produce a world where as many people as possible grow up 'nice'; just as we try to produce a world where all have plenty to eat. But we must not suppose that even if we succeeded in making everyone nice we should have saved their souls. A world of nice people, content in their own niceness, looking no further, turned away from God, would be just as desperately in need of salvation as a miserable world-and might even be more difficult to save."
-C.S. Lewis

These thoughts resinate with me living in an environment where everybody is "nice". It is comforting to a certain degree to live around people who are friendly, smile and say hello. My only concern is the mask of niceness stays up so that we never delve deeper into the issues of the heart. Does nice=love? I do not believe so. WE may be kind because our hearts are filled with Christs love, but if we are not willing to snatch people out of the fire then we are not truly loving. This concept not only applies to others, but myself as well. If I'm content with being a nice Christian will I allow another to speak a difficult message to my spirit? A wise man receives correction and the Lord rebukes those He loves. Not only do we stunt peoples growth by settling for just being nice, but we stay in an infantile state ourselves by not carrying on the process of salvation. What does being nice actually mean? No confrontation? Keeping boundaries? Respect?

To My Sisters

2008-03-26T07:26:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about all of you last night.
Wanting to tell you how beautiful you are.
If nobody has told you lately, you are.
Don't believe the stereotypes.
Don't embrace the swirling doubts.
Let me be the mirror for you today.
You ARE the reflection of His beauty.

2008-03-17T10:28:00.000-07:00

God is definitionless. We can attempt to put him into categories, adjectives and such but we will never fully understand who he is in entirety. Is it futile then to seek? I do not believe so, because the more that we seek the more that we are enlightened. I do think though that we can become so consumed with hunting down answers that we tack God to a corkboard as we would with a lovely arrangements of insects or butterflies. A scientist could tack an insect to a board to more closely inspect its form, coloration and such but with out life in this tiny creature the researcher would never be able to inspect the creations mind or will.

I think that we do this a lot as human beings. We desire to pin point God and say these are his attributes, his heart and his will for these circumstances. I'm not questioning the validity of the Bible nor the clear things that God tells us about his character. I am though questioning the titles that we place on God because of our need for closure or control. I do not want to stick God in a display case and simply view his state @ that moment in time. I want to view him as he is living and breathing and moving in my life.I am willing to be the observer to survey him in his environment, not my own.

I for Idealist

2008-03-11T10:51:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it be nice if we could view people from the inside out? I've been thinking lately about our social norms and how many times they go unchallenged. For instance a lot of times we expect that externally beautiful people will brighten up the atmosphere while those who are less visually appealing will be the ones to nurture good character, serve with the lowely,walk in humility and have a charming sense of humor. We don't really ask much of those who are talented and beautiful. We just simply want to stare and be entertained by them. Those who fit in the beautiful category most likely won't have to fight for a job, worry about being unmarried or wonder if they will ever be noticed in a crowded room. Do you think if we put less emphasis on these things that we would have a culture where people would actually have to develope their character? What if only people with depth,love,warmth and wisdom were the ones noticed in a room? That would ruffle some feathers,huh?

2008-03-10T08:24:00.000-07:00

http://green.yahoo.com/news/nm/20080310/hl_nm/pope_sins_dc.html

Check out this article on the "new sins" of our day and age. What do you guys think about this? I do think these things are important for us to be aware of and educated on, but my concern is that we (as the body of Christ)would get so wrapped up in these new rules that we are not actually seeking the face of Christ. It's not just about new rules and new systems in which we can be good people. I believe that if we are seeking Christs face he will make us aware of the areas of depravity/neglect in our society. Christ should be the center of it all not staying off the "new sins" list.

2008-03-06T08:37:00.000-08:00

I want to fly away and experience a new place, a new culture. I'm getting the travel bug (to bad it's only mental since I'm paying off bills and trying to be responsible). It's not that I want to run from this place but I want to experience new things. I want to live in a place that is unknown to me and things are not so familiar. England,Prague,Australia...they all sound wonderful don't they? Until then I'm living out life here in Nashville. One day soon I will make it over the ocean to bask in a fresh new world.

2008-02-26T07:35:00.000-08:00

"It is not the human right to stand not fight while broken nations dream.
Open up our eyes so blind that we might find the mercy for the need.
Fill our hearts with compassion as we hold to our confession."
-Lyrics from Hillsong United

This pierced my heart as I heard it this morning. Thinking of broken nations dreaming while we are supossed to be the land of the "American Dream".
We have lived up to our own standard of the American dream, but what is Gods standard? Fill our hearts with compassion, oh God that we may be your hands and your feet. Fill our hearts and minds with the dreams that are on your heart Lord!

This ones for David and Eric

2008-02-14T14:07:00.001-08:00

Red Roses - Love and romance
Black Roses - Vengeance
Blue Roses - Mystery and intrigue
Pink Roses - Gratitude and appreciation
Purple Roses - Love at first sight
White Roses - Innocence and purity
Green Roses - Fertility
Yellow Roses - Joy and friendship
Lavender Roses - Enchantment
Orange Roses - Enthusiasm, passion

Valentine's Day Thoughts...

2008-02-14T09:40:00.001-08:00

I woke up this morning thinking about this holiday filled with roses, chocolate and Tiffany's diamonds. Learning more about this holiday brought a new spin to things for me (thanks to David Perry & google)

HISTORY:
Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families.

As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270.

St. Valentine fought for the sanctity of marriage & love. We Americans have cheapened it to a blind date and a stuffed animal. Let us reflect on this love to be portrayed and fought for on this day.

Treasure of the Season

2008-02-13T07:58:00.000-08:00

"For the Lord will comfort Zion,
He will comfort all her waste places;
He will make her wilderness like Eden,
And her desert like the garden of the Lord;
JOY and GLADNESS will be found in it,
Thanksgiving and the voice of melody."
-Isaiah 51:3

2008-02-06T14:34:00.000-08:00

So, on this Ash Wednesday, while you’re renewing your commitment to recycling consider how the revolution of God’s dreams coming true on the earth as they do in heaven can start with every five-minute act of caring we undertake. May we have the eyes to see God’s party beginning not with the mountain, but with the speck of dust.

-Dixon K.

2008-01-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

Wait the Lord said.
"Have you seen how the earth was formed?
Did you place the stars in the sky?
Do you know my ways oh loved one?"
No, sir.
So here I am waiting.
Hopeful and waiting.

2008-01-29T07:09:00.000-08:00

It's far easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.

- Adlai Stevenson

Principle- Guiding sense of the requirements and obligations of right conduct.

I've met many people with great intentions and passionate fervence for the things that are right, but few that live daily for the principled lifestyle. This is a hard road to walk on. Principle doesn't bring glamour, fame or praise. It can seem mundane to our lives filled with excitement, entertainment and distractions. I constantly think about new experiences, new people, new environments, but what about the daily commitments of life? I've been indoctrinated for so long with the concept that I need to "step out in faith" meaning I need to for example:

-Move to a far off land
-Learn a new language to preach the gospel
-Step out of the comfortablility of daily existence

To me these things all sound like a fun adventure in which I would be able to meet new people, enjoy different cultures and constantly be entertained by movement. The hard decision for me would be to find a place or people and settle in there. Moving and learning are a faith building experience but they have nothing to do with the forming of commitment. One with out the other is an excercise in futility. Like I said in the beginning I've met many people who are ready to take on a NEW challenge, but what about the mundane challenges of life? What about serving until it hurts in a place where you get no recognition or praise? I think about the missionaries who have gone before us in such places as India, Saudi Arabia, Africa. Some of these men and women have given their lives to live a daily commited, principled lifestyle. Some have given all of their lives to serve a people without seeing one person come to Christ. Their lives were a seed offering in which somebody else would reap. Are we willing to be those people of principle?

Lord, please help me to become a person of priciple who doesn't cry out for fame or recognition. Set my heart ablaze for obedience, obedience in the mundane and also in the exciting.
"O God, you have taught me from my youth;
And to this day I declare your wondrous works.
Now also when I am old and grayheaded,
O God, do not forsake me,
Until I declare Your strength to this generation,
Your power to everyone who is to come."
-Psalm 71:17-18

candy on my mind

2008-01-14T15:34:00.000-08:00

Have you ever put money into a vending machine and it popped out the wrong treat? That's how I feel at times with God. Putting in the correct currency: time, affections, my heart but getting in return something not quite expected. It takes a lot of time and investment to weild this heart of mine. I'm so glad that God is not like the vending machine or the ice cream man dispensing to us EXACTLY what our eyes desire. It's so hard to find the convergence of being filled and lacking, but finding satisfaction as Paul speaks of. I choose to be hopeful as God is still continually growing something in me. This process is painful but worth every nickel and dime that I've dropped in. I've adopted a new quote from a nun who had walked many years with Christ. She said," When love and duty come together GRACE abides in you." This life I live is not just for me. It is for the things that God desires to birth. Lord, teach me how to walk the line of being hopeful (waiting with confident expectation) but not selfish. To live a life of passionate love and duty. Manifest your grace in and through me.

Roomates:

2008-01-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

I made a list today of how many women I have lived with since I moved out of my mothers home. I moved out of my moms in 2002, so keep in mind this is from 2002-2008
California:
Aimee
Amanda
Megan
Sherry
Leanne
Julie
RaeMarie
Carrie
Christina
Haley
Magdalena
NYC:
Lindsay
Ganelle
Kristy
Michelle
Brandi
Stephanie
Nashville:
Mirza
Bethany
Allie
Shelby
Rachel

Yep folks that makes 22 all together. Do you think I'm prepared for some interaction with women? Good Lord! Obviously God had and has something to teach me through all of these people and something for me to deposit to them. I just hope I don't have 50 before I get married!!!

A different lense

2007-12-19T10:13:00.000-08:00

I want to challenge you this week to look through a fashion magazine and ask yourself how many African American men or women you see. As I was thinking about this over the past couple of months it accured to me that every model who is not white has some kind of european features (lighter skin, high cheek bones, light eyes). Why is it that we market these things as if they are "the standard" of beauty?

Observing

2007-12-01T20:48:00.000-08:00

As I was flipping through the the toob tonight I came across some interesting findings. Two programs running symotaniously but sharing extremely different messages. You may say,"Duh Layne that happens all the time." Well, these two shows that were running side by side exactly 8 channels away from one another were of people claiming to be holding on to the same values, but proclaiming polar opposite views.

Channel #1 Billy Graham speaking about the fullness that you can find in Christ if you would just give up yourself and seek to know Christ. Come to the cross and stop trying to be righteous in your own means because it will not come any other way except through Christ.

Channel#2 Anonymous "preacher" sharing about when our enemies see our houses or our cars that they will be envious of us. That our enemies will be outraged out how our God blessed us.

Are you hearing what I'm hearing? Are we concerned with gaining the whole world or losing it? Wasn't it very clear what Jesus said to the disciples who were jockeying over a position of stature. So, if my enemies are envious of me does that make me puffed up or does that make me humble? Are we looing to be envied or are we looking for opportunities to share the lve of Christ? I wonder what God thinks in heaven as we all share our own messages. The amazing thing about Jesus' life here on earth was that he was always resisting the role of power even though He had all the power in the world! The only time that He spoke of being a king was when it when he was put on trial. I read an amazing quote just today," The cross redefines God as One who was willing to relinquish power for the sake of love. Power no matter how well-intentioned, tends to cause suffering. Love, being vulnerable, absorbs it. In a point of convergence on a hill called Calvery, God renounced the one for the sake of the other."

2007-11-04T21:16:00.000-08:00

John 13:5-10
After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
He came to Simon Peter, who said to him,"Lord, are you going to wash my feet?' Jesus replied,"You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'"
"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet."
Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
"Then,Lord," Simon Peter replied,"not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"
Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean..."

Jesus had such a fine tuned way about serving others and also allowing others to lavish their love on him. It wasn't ALL service or people basking in his presence 24/7. When is the right time to serve and the right time to be served? Jesus knew when to heal the sick, but he also knew when to recline and let a women adore him by washing his feet with her hair. I desperately desire to know the balance between both. Do they coincide? In the body of Christ I tend to see either lethargic Christians(fat and over stimulated by information) or burnt out (serve aholic) believers. How can we enjoy life, serve others and allow others to bless us? Are issue then is with love if we can dish it out, but we can not receive it. We are saying you so deserve Christs love, but I deserve the scraps from his table. There's is a time and season for all things. A time to love and a time to be loved!

Dreaming...

2007-11-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

I wish coffee were free
I wish we could wear are hearts on our sleeves and appreciate each others with out being wounded
I wish all was well with the world
I wish we could build character without going through agony and suffering
I wish things weren't so complicated

All these things I wish because there's something deep down inside of me that desires that life doesn't need to be so difficult. Alas, difficulty awaits us. Maybe instead of viewing this as a noose I need to view it as my companion. With out sorrow and difficulty why would I be in need of a savior? I need Him because He is the air I breath, my sustinance.

"Office Hottie"...that's really all I ever wanted to live up to.

2007-10-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

So, by the title of this blog I'm sure you can guess where it's headed. The other day I was talking with two co-workers. These two men were conversing about their nicknames for people in the office. I said NAIVELY, "What's my nickname?" One of the guys(who did not name me)chimed in,"Your nickname is office hottie. Isn't that a great compliment?" "Office hottie", wow I have waited all of my life to live up to that title. I just feel so privileged that I can not contain it!(STRONG sarcastic tone inserted here) As if a tall,blond,blue-eyed girl at the receptionist desk doesn't have a hard enough time already. I smerked at him and said,"Yeah, great compliment. That's what I've always dreamt of."

Why do some guys feel that this is the greatest favor that they can do for women? We want to be known as beautiful ,yes but not your sexual fantasy. You wonder why women find their security in the title of "hottie". Women are bending over backwards to cater to this class of marking and once they have arrived at this destination all they are met with is a mans lustful pursuits of them. Women spend so much time attending to the outside that they lose there sense of self or maybe they've fed in to that perpetual cycle for so long that they've never even aquired lasting character that far outlasts their fleeting beauty. Yes, I desire to be known as beautiful but above all full of intelligence, wisdom, kindness, love and a fear of the Lord that will outlive my exterior shell.

Thankful

2007-10-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

I have an amazing family,
Amazing Friends,
I have my health,
I have a job,,
I have a roof over my head,
I have breath in my lungs,
I have vision,
I have hope,
I have everlasting peace,
and a Father in heaven who will never leave me.
So much to be thankful for. So much of the simple things that I don't meditate on. I chose to focus on these things. For these things that seem like a given to us Americans are luxuries for those abroad. Lord, make me sensitive. Make me compassionate! Make me humble! Make me a vessel of your love, poured out for people to enjoy.

Restless

2007-10-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish life were like a full guarantee on a camera, " Full satisfaction or your money back". In my humanity I desire to have no cracks,wrinkles,blemishes. What is it about weakness that God loves so much? Why do we spend our whole like fighting against humility when God longs for us to embrace it? Maybe this message isn't for you out there, but it definately is for me. Ambiguity, I don't like this word. It's to confusing for my brain to wrap around the push and pull of our faith. Ambiguity seems like chaos to me because I like clear, precise guarantees. On this side of heaven we are not promised guarantees. Our guarantee is in our Maker and the peace that He offers. If I were perfect with no cracks then why would I have need of Christ? As I wrestle I cry out to continually lay down my pride and embrace humility in whatever package that it may come in.

Time crunch...

2007-09-25T13:59:00.000-07:00

So often I treat life like a one hour lunch break.
1. Get something to eat and pack it down
2. Run errands
3. Make phone calls
As I was shoving food down my throat I thought do I do this with everything? Try my best to get through it all as fast as possible. Finish the race and look for the next task to take on. When and how does life become a list of tasks? Bring back the enjoyment. I want to breath,dance,love....be still.

2007-09-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

I'm so intriged by the temptation of Christ as of late. To know that he's all powerful and yet would wash our feet! Who am I? If Jesus did not consider equality with God to be strived after then what am I striving for? How hard it is to learn how to sit at the end of the table and not be called to the head. How do I make ones self as valuable as my own? Lord, teach me how to be more like you.

This ones for you kid...

2007-09-24T15:37:00.000-07:00

Always primping
Always tugging
Always uncomfortable

One day I will learn to be comfortable in this skin.

2007-09-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

Vanity
Selfishness
Stubborness
Control

I'm aware of such pride in my life. I'm humbled before God that he would chose a flawed vessel like me to display his glory. It's amazing to me that the God who created the ocean, the mountains and the sky held back his power to persuade us to believe. A quote I read recently stated," God made himself so normal that we would even have the opportunity to look right past him". That is power! To humble yourself in such a way that you would not act out of vanity, control and a need for a title. Often I'm like a peacock trying to draw people into a hypnotic gaze by the display of my "splendid feathers". Rebakah was a woman who covered herself up when she came upon Isaac. A woman who did not use any of her attributes to persuade this man into being drawn to her. She did not try and put herself into a position of promotion. I find myself constantly trying to work the angles instead of trusting God. Lord, help me to be a woman of humility

A Season For Everything

2007-08-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

This blog is dedicated to all of my close friends (you know who you are). Ever since this last Sunday service I've been thinking much about seasons of change. My pastor was sharing out of Ecclesiastes. We all now the commonly used passages such as,"There's a season for sorrow and a season for laughter..." Well this has got me in a perpetual state of prayer for you all. I know that ALL of us are in a state of transition and meditation about the future. I heard this quote on Sunday,"In every moment live in that moment to the fullest." I just want to encourage you all that these are the moments that God has placed us together for this season and time. There's a reason why all of our diverse upbringing, skills, opinions and interests have been brought together. I want you guys to know that I'm greatly appreciative of your friendships and I value your thoughts very much. I want to enjoy every moment that I have with you all because when certain seasons are over the time spent together is what will be seared in my memory. My prayer lately has been to celebrate those around me. So, I just want to you to know that I'm here to celebrate you and encourage you to enter into the fulness of Gods love and plan for your life.

2007-07-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

I was having a conversation with my boss the other day and they were sharing how a mother of three wanted to get surgery to reverse the affects of how her body had changed through the pregnacies. Putting the debate on plastic surgery aside look deeper into this with me. Think about women who have survived breast cancer, men who have come through a war, individuals who have been abused. How often we seek to conceal an experience in our lives so that we may be excepted as the "norm". Why do we seek to conceal? We long to not show our "flawed" state of self. So often life experiences that should be used to bring healing to others we want to bundle up and nurture in our arms.

What if we wore these scars proudly? Scars externally and internally show that we have been through a battle and made it out on the other side. This is not a fatalistic approach of saying that we should live in the depths of our wounds, but that by sharing we may be a tangible healing balm to those who have been wounded. The discussion here is not whether these things are "beautiful" or not, but that they are. Shouldn't these life experiences be something to share, embrace, celebrate? So often we see the irregular as something to be fixed. Can we embrace the diversity in which we have been given?

Jesus was a man of sheer vulnerability and embraced the life in which he was given. Many wanted to "fix" the situation when Jesus declared that he would be crucified, but he knew the beginning from the end. I desire to live a life with arms flung wide open saying "Here I am flawed, but inviting, open, life giving." A rose in full bloom is most fragrant, but if a rose were to stay closed what would we be able to enjoy about it?

2007-06-22T13:28:00.000-07:00

My soul aches for eternity.

No Pain
No Bills
No confusion

Fullness of our Creators Beauty
Fullness of Joy
Fullness of being

My soul aches.

Soft Hearts

2007-06-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

"We often avoid,as long as we can,any serious grappling with the life of the heart. We waltz past our losses,bury our feelings and try to pretend. Two barriers loom large. We fear our hearts as dangerous havens of something that could undo us. Or we perceive the domain of the heart as one of weakness, the source of an emotional softness that would allow us to be taken advantage of by others. Actually, it is neither." -Paula Rinehart

2007-06-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

I had a thought this morning as I was changing the paper towels at my work,bare with me. I ripped open the first sheet with the glue on it and automatically I wanting to rip that little perferated piece and throw it into the trash. Why did I want to throw away a perfectly good paper towel? It wasn't perfectly square and untainted, but it was useful. It made me think how often I do this with other areas in my life. Just because things aren't perfectly "kept" I want to throw them away. It awakened me to the fact that we are all torn, but does God throw us away? No, in fact He LOVES to use us when we are ripped, because He can shine through the cracks and crevices. Even with our rips He can still use us to wipe up a mess.

Simplicity

2007-06-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

My heart yearns for simplicity. At times I enjoy wrestling through the complexities of life, but right now I want to focus on the simple things. When you peel back all of the layers, @ the core is just a desire to see things as they are. Not meaning that I only want the surface image, but that I long to see things as they've truly been created. When all of the dirt, masks, costumes, intellects are torn away what is it that lies there? That is a place of rest. No longer striving to make yourself something or make others something they are not. Vocabulary, culture, politics, experience, money, looks. Can we just peal through all of the crap and enjoy people? I want to be enjoyed and enjoy others. If you have unrealistic expectations of who you desire an individual to be you're bound to be disappointed. So often I long to impress with my fancy words, books I've read, people I know, music I listen to. I don't want to impress I just want to be. So sorry if your disappointed, but I can only be me and that's all that I want to "strive" to become, more of who God has made me to be.

Femininity

2007-05-23T15:11:00.000-07:00

Vulnerability is beautiful,inviting, the essence of femininity. This is the aspect of God that awakens us,woos us. The thing that I think is hilarious is how women say that they want to be treated like men. Well, they get what they ask for. You wonder why men don't open doors, don't fight for women, casually use and abuse women. Are we calling them to treat us any differently? Observe how men treat other men. I say," please open my door, carry my bags, fight for me!!" I'm a woman, not a man. Don't strip me of my femininity, I've been designed and created to be this way. When did it become a negative connotation to call yourself a woman? Why do we associate femininity with weakness? Neediness? Emotionalism? We need both male and female presence in this world to make us balanced. That is what brings a WHOLE picture of the God we serve to this earth. I won't ask you to be less of a man so don't ask me to be less of a woman.

2007-05-22T07:37:00.001-07:00

One of my favorite verses that I've cleaved onto in this last year is ,"A man who fears the Lord avoids all extremes." We must be careful to listen to these wise words. I'm all for dissecting,analyzing, but there must also be a time of reflection on God's good works in the earth. I don't want to become a cynic about the church's state or our nation. I want to be known as a women of hope, not ignorant faith....hope. I know that there are many flaws that are evident in the body of Christ today, but let's take a moment to reflect on the positive. If we spend all of our time in introspection when do we find time to just sit and enjoy? God has called us to have the balance of both. Matthew 4 talks about worshiping the Lord in spirit and in truth (experiencially and theologically). I'm so blessed to see dear friends of mine fighting social injustices, loving there neighbors, seeking Gods face and entering into the gifts that God has irrevocably placed with in them. Today I challenge you to think about the beauty of what has come and what is to come.

Tainted Bride

2007-05-10T09:33:00.000-07:00

While @ work the other day I encountered something quite disturbing. While sitting @ the front desk of my office building I witnessed a married man shamelessly hitting on a co-worker. He wispered in her ear and called her to come close. The thing that appalled me most was the fact of how shameless this man was, in view for all to see his intent lust after this woman by action and word. This grieved me so profusely! Now we know that these things happen on a daily basis, but let's look deeper into this metaphorical picture. What does that wedding ring symbolise? Commitment? Union? A vow? Love? At what moment did that wedding ring become a noose? When did it become a disposable thing that you waive around as if it were some piece of costume jewelry? Is marriage just another thing to check off of our agenda driven to do lists?

This made me think of the bride of Christ and how this viewpoint would affect us as Christians. Do we take our vows seriously? Has our creator put a wedding ring on our finger while we masquerade with other lovers? Do we have an awe and reverence of who He is? I say all of these things not to condemn, but in a desire to evoke something on the inside of us that would long for utter devotion. I long not for a fleeting, beautiful ceremony but a lifelong engagement of awe, beauty and ever growing intimacy with my spouse in the natural and spiritual realm.